Emtalks: Important Lessons I Have Learnt This Year. 23 Things I've Learnt At 23

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It's here, my birthday week. On Friday 22nd December it's officially my birthday. I always get kinda sad for a second on my birthday as I get scared that I'm getting old but then I remember what my Grandad always told me, it's a blessing to grow old. Also, age is just a number. My Mum is 53 and is the most youthful person ever. My Grandad is 85 and banters me as if he's 21 again. Growing old is good, it means your body is working and you're healthy. So, cheers to growing old (disgracefully). I'm joking though about 'feeling old', I'm only a baby (in my eyes anyway still). I've learnt a lot this year, in fact, I feel like this last year has probably been the biggest year of learning for me. So, to welcome in my birthday this Friday, I thought I'd write a blog post about the important lessons I've learnt this year. If you like this, please do share it as I see it as a little bit of a 'life manual' for us all. Here are 23 things in 23 years.

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1. Never judge - First and foremost, never judge. You simply do not know what battles someone is facing and you do not know their story. My brother's illness has taught me never to judge. To the naked eye he looks fine, but the reality is much different sadly. For example, I'll never judge a young boy sitting down on a tube now in a priority seat because I know many people with chronic illnesses simply cannot stand up and need that seat, yet they look 'fine' so get judged for taking an elderly persons seat.

2. Be Kind - Similar to the above but because you never know what battle someone is facing, just be kind.

3. It's Easier To Be Nice - It's so cliche but it's so hard to be nasty, it takes so much energy, just be nice. You could easily make someones day and actually, being nice makes you feel happier in your own mind too. Get rid of those jealous/bitter thoughts and compliment someone. I promise you'll feel great for it and the person on the receiving end will feel great too.

4. Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy - Don't compare, just don't do it. I've spent my life comparing myself and this year I refuse to do it. Even if someone tries to compare me to someone I have to stop them. It really is the thief of joy. We do not know what that person has been through/what they are going through/what factors are different in their life. You can never ever compare yourself to anyone else as you are just you. You are your niche.

5. What Susie Says About Sally Says More About Susie Than It Says About Sally - This sentence couldn't be more true, in so many aspects of life. One rule: I won't read the crap about myself or others online. It's incredibly worrying and sad that there are whole websites set aside for people to bully and bring young women down, it's also incredibly worrying seeing accounts on social media and on Facebook ads doing the same. It worries me that people think this is an okay way to behave but, as I said in my blog post about online trolls. So what to take from this? What Susie says about Sally really does say more about Susie than it says about Sally, particularly in instances where these people do not know you at all, they judge from things you put online. Just continue doing you.

6. You Could Be The Ripest, Juiciest Peach And Someone Is Still Gonna Hate Peaches - Again, linked to the above. Not everyone is going to like you, no matter what you do or say or who you are. You only need to look at people on the TV or online, they get so much hate, even the nicest and best of people.

7. Me Time Is Important - Throughout 2017 I wrote a lot of blog posts about me time, but me time is so incredibly important, don't forget to take time for you and your mind.

8. Missing The Gym Can Be A Good Thing - After injury after injury and illness after illness, I realised this year that missing the gym isn't always a bad thing. It's good to let you body and mind rest.

9. We Can Learn A Lot From Our Grandparents - I try and spend as much time with my loved ones as possible as I know just how much we can learn from them. I never want to feel as if I didn't spend enough time from them so goodbye late nights out drinking and hello early mornings in local towns with my grandparents.

10. The People We Thought Would Always Be Around May Not - I wrote a blog post this year about losing friends, there are a few people who I thought were like family, I never imagined falling out with them, drifting or, my life moving on without them. This year I've learnt that actually, people come and go and this happens for a reason. Yep, it hurts but honestly, you'll be better off.

11. It's Not About Who You've Known The Longest Who Counts - We are always taught that it's about who you've known the longest and in some cases, definitely. I have some incredibly life-long-childhood-friends but actually, a lot of the girls I've met from events in the last few years or from Uni, have become my soul sisters and support me in ways I could never imagine.

12. People Go Off In Different Directions - People go off in different directions and that's totally okay. Let people do what makes them happy, even if it's a totally different path to you.

13. It's Okay Not To Be Okay - It's okay not to be okay, seriously. Talk to someone if you're not feeling good, whether it's the Samaritans anonymously, a teacher, a school friend, a parent, someone online. Just talk to someone. A problem shared is a problem halved.

14. Even The Toughest Of People Have Bad Days - I remember seeing someone incredibly close to me crumble, someone I never thought would crumble and it proved to me that even 'tough' people have bad days. It does not make you weak. It makes you human to have a bad day and it also made me realise that mental health can affect anyone and everyone. Again, don't judge.

15. Everyone Has Bad Days and No-one Is Perfect - Exactly what it says on the tin. No-one is perfect, we all have bad days, be kind, be gentle.

16. You're Not A Bad Person Just Because You Have Different Beliefs To Others - Obviously some beliefs (eg racism, homophobic thoughts) are not okay, but in other cases, it's okay to have different beliefs to others. For example, many of my friends are vegan, many of them are not, I am not vegan but they do not make me feel like a bad person for eating meat. I wrote a blog post about giving back this Christmas and discussed how important it is to not judge someone as a bad person just because they are passionate about different causes. It's never okay to make someone feel like they're a bad person.

17. People Will Try And Bring You Down - People will sadly, always try and bring you down. That's something I've learnt this year. There are a lot of people who are unhappy in themselves so they'll do everything they can to make you feel not so good. It's important to ignore this.

18. Some People Just Wont Be Happy For You - One thing I learnt pretty early on is that people wont always be happy for you, particularly people I always thought would be my biggest supports. I've had more support from strangers on the internet (incredibly grateful) than people I'd have expected it from. Don't forget though, often, people just have their own stuff going on.

19. Energy Should Be Used On People Who Deserve It - One thing I realised this year is that I put a lot of time/effort/energy/anxiety into people who just don't care about me, it's tough but I've decided to focus on people that do now instead rather than trying to please everyone.

20. A Smile Can Go A Long Way - When I see people on the street, I always try and smile. You can easily brighten someones day just by smiling at them, never forget that. It really is the little things.

21. Tough Times Make Tough People - A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. See challenges as ways to make you stronger and tougher. You got this. You CAN do this even if you think you can't.

22. Sometimes It's Good To Enjoy Life Away From The Camera - I try to capture everything whether it's for a vlog, a blog post or an Instagram. In instances where I'm abroad for example, I now try and take my photographs and then actually suck it in, and enjoy the surroundings rather than stressing about getting the right photos. I often get comments on my vlogs saying that my boyfriend doesn't treat me right, it's just that the personal cuteness in our relationship is just for us two, no-one else sees it. It's nice to keep some things private.

23. Never Work So Hard Making A Living That You Forget To Make A Life - Last but not least; I've watched my incredibly intelligent brother have to stop working, stop working out and just do nothing but rest for a year. If it's taught me anything, it's taught me that life really is too short. Look after yourself, sleep more, giggle more and actually take time off. There's no point exhausting yourself so much so that you can't actually enjoy life.

Thank you so much for reading, if you liked this post, please do give it a read. Leave a comment and let me know if you agree with me or, the things you've learnt this year.

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