I’ve wanted to write this blog post for quite sometime now. Recently I have received a number of emails and Instagram DM’s from people dealing with heartbreak. Having a broken heart is well, state the obvious Em… heartbreaking but I do believe these things are sent to test us. I strongly believe, looking back, that heartbreak has shaped part of who I am today. In some ways, negatively as it’s destroyed my trust in some situations but, in other ways, positively. I’ve been in relationships since I was young so I feel as if I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak. The majority of my major heartaches happened between the age of 15-19 so now I’m a little bit older, I’ve learnt a lot from them and they shape my relationships going forward. Heartbreak hurts at any age and I remember every single time I've felt broken because of a relationship. Let’s discuss heartbreak and how to deal with it.
I’ve been there. Crying my eyes out, feeling as if I cannot live without someone, unable to eat, feeling sick, I’ve been in a really bad way due to a broken heart before. I’m here to tell you, it does get easier and as we all know, there's way worse that can happen in life. It's okay to feel horrific at that moment in time though, it's normal and you wouldn't be human if heartbreak didn't affect you. I think about what my friends have put up with seeing me absolutely heartbroken on the floor in school and even how my Mum felt, seeing me so broken, because there just isn’t anything you can do apart from hug someone and tell them it’s going to be okay. But to the heartbroken person, it doesn’t feel as if it is going to be okay but I am telling you now, as someone who’s been there, it does get better.
Obviously everyone's relationships are different and we all deal with things differently but these are just a few of the things I say to myself/others when heartbroken.
I often feel as if I had a rough ride with the boys at school, cheated on more times than I can count (you can watch a video about my experience being cheated on and my advice here) and even with my friends (I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it makes me cry when I think of going back in time and looking at what a state I was in), it was the ultimate betrayal for any young girl to go through with her first boyfriend and not only did it ruin my confidence, it ruined my trust too. It made me insecure and it made me put these awful walls up. Read about how getting cheated on affected me if you missed it. However, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor and these things are great for our resilience. Today, I am in a happy relationship, and whilst I wont ever be walked all over again, I have learnt so much from these bad relationships. Here are some of my thoughts on heartbreak:
Sleep on it - I always try and tell people to sleep on it. I’ll never forget my ‘first’ real heartbreak, it was the morning after it had happened I found the hardest but once I woke up I felt better, knowing I’d got through the next day (as dramatic as that sounds, I always have found waking up that morning, feeling like it’s all a dream, then realisation hits, the hardest bit). I also remember having to ask my Uni housemate to sleep in bed with me because I was so heartbroken I couldn’t sleep alone, I could barely even sleep even with her in my bed but I woke up the next morning and whilst I was angry and upset, I felt stronger.
What’s meant to be will always find its way - I am a big believer in fate and I truly believe what’s meant to be will always find its way. It might not look like it now, but when I look back, I can connect the dots and I totally see why it didn’t work with others and I’m glad I went through what I went through. Sometimes the timing is just off and maybe it will all figure itself out in the future.
Time will tell - Sometimes only time will tell and often, people get back together after breaking up. I understand that yeh, sometimes someone just isn’t good for you or it wasn’t meant to be, but often, the time apart makes the heart grow fonder. I always say, don’t text or call the person who has broken up with you, no matter how much you want to, text or call a friend instead. It usually always works and gives that person the space they needed to realise how much they want you back and how much they miss you (if they don’t then it obviously wasn’t meant to be).
Space - The hardest thing is not texting that person but space is important at a time like this as often really nasty things can be said during a breakup. When I broke up with my ex some of the messages I received in the first few minutes afterwards were truly horrible and actually brought out that persons true colours in the moment, had the person just bit his tongue, I may have felt differently but words can really hurt and stick with you. Often, the worst of someone comes out during a breakup and you can see a totally different side to someone.
Fast forward - It’s often only when you fast forward and you get into a genuinely happy relationship that you see how a relationship is meant to be and you can appreciate how it feels to be treated correctly.
If someone doesn’t know what they have when they have you then they don’t deserve you at all - It took me a very long time to realise this and for years I stayed with the same person who hurt me, over and over and didn’t appreciate me. No matter how many people told me this, I needed to figure it out for myself. I say this to my friends all the time. It’s easier said than done but walk away from someone who doesn’t appreciate what they have when they have you, there will be someone out there who will appreciate you, for you. It may not feel like it right now, but there is someone out there.
You don't need someone to feel whole - For so long in past relationships, I felt as if I cannot live without that person but truth be told? Once I got out, I finally felt like myself again. I do think it's important to love yourself first, you don't need validation from anyone to make yourself feel whole. Remember, you were okay before this person and you're gonna be okay after too.
I’ve been there. Crying my eyes out, feeling as if I cannot live without someone, unable to eat, feeling sick, I’ve been in a really bad way due to a broken heart before. I’m here to tell you, it does get easier and as we all know, there's way worse that can happen in life. It's okay to feel horrific at that moment in time though, it's normal and you wouldn't be human if heartbreak didn't affect you. I think about what my friends have put up with seeing me absolutely heartbroken on the floor in school and even how my Mum felt, seeing me so broken, because there just isn’t anything you can do apart from hug someone and tell them it’s going to be okay. But to the heartbroken person, it doesn’t feel as if it is going to be okay but I am telling you now, as someone who’s been there, it does get better.
Obviously everyone's relationships are different and we all deal with things differently but these are just a few of the things I say to myself/others when heartbroken.
I often feel as if I had a rough ride with the boys at school, cheated on more times than I can count (you can watch a video about my experience being cheated on and my advice here) and even with my friends (I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it makes me cry when I think of going back in time and looking at what a state I was in), it was the ultimate betrayal for any young girl to go through with her first boyfriend and not only did it ruin my confidence, it ruined my trust too. It made me insecure and it made me put these awful walls up. Read about how getting cheated on affected me if you missed it. However, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor and these things are great for our resilience. Today, I am in a happy relationship, and whilst I wont ever be walked all over again, I have learnt so much from these bad relationships. Here are some of my thoughts on heartbreak:
Sleep on it - I always try and tell people to sleep on it. I’ll never forget my ‘first’ real heartbreak, it was the morning after it had happened I found the hardest but once I woke up I felt better, knowing I’d got through the next day (as dramatic as that sounds, I always have found waking up that morning, feeling like it’s all a dream, then realisation hits, the hardest bit). I also remember having to ask my Uni housemate to sleep in bed with me because I was so heartbroken I couldn’t sleep alone, I could barely even sleep even with her in my bed but I woke up the next morning and whilst I was angry and upset, I felt stronger.
What’s meant to be will always find its way - I am a big believer in fate and I truly believe what’s meant to be will always find its way. It might not look like it now, but when I look back, I can connect the dots and I totally see why it didn’t work with others and I’m glad I went through what I went through. Sometimes the timing is just off and maybe it will all figure itself out in the future.
Time will tell - Sometimes only time will tell and often, people get back together after breaking up. I understand that yeh, sometimes someone just isn’t good for you or it wasn’t meant to be, but often, the time apart makes the heart grow fonder. I always say, don’t text or call the person who has broken up with you, no matter how much you want to, text or call a friend instead. It usually always works and gives that person the space they needed to realise how much they want you back and how much they miss you (if they don’t then it obviously wasn’t meant to be).
Space - The hardest thing is not texting that person but space is important at a time like this as often really nasty things can be said during a breakup. When I broke up with my ex some of the messages I received in the first few minutes afterwards were truly horrible and actually brought out that persons true colours in the moment, had the person just bit his tongue, I may have felt differently but words can really hurt and stick with you. Often, the worst of someone comes out during a breakup and you can see a totally different side to someone.
Fast forward - It’s often only when you fast forward and you get into a genuinely happy relationship that you see how a relationship is meant to be and you can appreciate how it feels to be treated correctly.
If someone doesn’t know what they have when they have you then they don’t deserve you at all - It took me a very long time to realise this and for years I stayed with the same person who hurt me, over and over and didn’t appreciate me. No matter how many people told me this, I needed to figure it out for myself. I say this to my friends all the time. It’s easier said than done but walk away from someone who doesn’t appreciate what they have when they have you, there will be someone out there who will appreciate you, for you. It may not feel like it right now, but there is someone out there.
You don't need someone to feel whole - For so long in past relationships, I felt as if I cannot live without that person but truth be told? Once I got out, I finally felt like myself again. I do think it's important to love yourself first, you don't need validation from anyone to make yourself feel whole. Remember, you were okay before this person and you're gonna be okay after too.
It's better to know the truth - If that person didn't feel the same way or feel right about the relationship, it's better to know the truth so you can both move on than to continue thinking it's okay. I guess we need to remember someone isn't always a bad person for breaking stuff off (think about Love Island! We were heartbroken for Georgia but look how happy both Georgia and Josh are now in different couples) maybe it just wasn't meant to be which I know may not feel easy in that exact moment but it will get easier.
Time - As cliche as it is, time really is the biggest healer and everything does get better in time. It will not feel like it when it first happens but I promise, time is the biggest healer.
Now? I'm truly so happy in my relationship and I fully believe that getting over heartbreak takes time and being surrounded by good people. Be kind to yourself, be gentle.
You might also like:
How getting cheated on affected me
Mid year reflections and thoughts
Is social media dangerous?
Lots of love, Em x
Time - As cliche as it is, time really is the biggest healer and everything does get better in time. It will not feel like it when it first happens but I promise, time is the biggest healer.
Now? I'm truly so happy in my relationship and I fully believe that getting over heartbreak takes time and being surrounded by good people. Be kind to yourself, be gentle.
You might also like:
How getting cheated on affected me
Mid year reflections and thoughts
Is social media dangerous?
Lots of love, Em x
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